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[Aug. 2nd, 2007|01:06 pm] |
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so for some reason my camera decided to take pictures in RAW format, instead of JPG so now im fucked and i cant figure it out because my computer doesnt read that format... idk what to do! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|09:09 am] |
For once, I'm finally giving someone my honest heart
Sometimes its the most amazing feeling to connect so well to someone
but also, that connection is so delicate that one little move can just blow me apart.
I don't know who to believe sometimes...
him,
or all of his friends, who happen to be my good friends too.
I know they are trying to look out for me
but some part of me
just wants to
believe him, because he tells me things
that no one has ever told me
and I want them to be so real.
Maybe I'm living in a fantasy world
with things that are too good to be true
but it killed me last night
when I walked out from behind his house
and i saw him
leaning in, down
shining in the street light
and kissing his girlfriend
She got into her car
I said to everyone "I'm going to punch him in the face"
so i put both rings on my right hand
and as he walked up to me
with his hands on his face
I told him
take your hands down
and slugged him one.
I don't know how many girls he's fucking
or how many girls think the same about him as I do
and I should be so much wiser
but this just feels so right
its killing me from the inside out |
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| I've been gone for a while... |
[Jul. 17th, 2007|04:19 pm] |
I haven't written on here in so long, mostly because I get all my thoughts out in my sketchbook. Now I understand the people who carry their's around everywhere, because I know that I can't live without mine right now. I've also started writing poetry, mostly because I was extremely inspired by my friend Jim Gundry. He's an amazing poet, and I know I'm going to get shit for saying this, but I'm serious... he really is the next allen ginsberg or jack kerouac. He showed me his two poem books and I never have felt so close to someone, or understood anyone better than I understood him after reading his work. Reading someones poetry who isnt generations older than me or dead was a really enlightening experience. I set out to write some real poetry, not just some bullshit that I thought might sound swell. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I've been learning things about me that I don't think I could have handled a few years ago. I never thought I'd know myself, and I still don't know myself, but at least I'm not ashamed of who I am anymore. I used to be afraid of being alone by myself. I used to be afraid of my own thoughts and feelings. Now I'm embracing them and I can't get enough. I've started creating art, in the last year, that really means something to me. Shit I made at Homestead was really just to get the grade. Fuck whatever his name was, he's a horrible art teacher. I am so lucky to have Pat, Cathy, Mark, Mary, Talia and Craig to guide me along. They never tell me what to do. They don't give assignments, they give ideas and generally inspire everyone to create work for themselves. I love hearing that I need to stop worrying about the grade, that I need to make the art for myself. I keep replaying their advice over and over in my head. I guess I'll put some poetry on here...
Yesterday night I went a little nuts... I don't really want to explain anything.
I have to go clean my horse's stalls... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2007|01:40 pm] |
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I have prom tonight and tomorrow night... pius then marquette. i know im going to die of alcohol poisoning tonight and for sure like twice over tomorrow night. i'm excited and have no idea what to expect, but i just want to hang out with my friends... ashley, beth, corrie, allie, val and their dates. i cant wait to go crazy with them tonight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|10:59 am] |
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I don't write in this anymore because I have the attention span of a puppy and i cant sit down and write on this. I miss Matt. He's 18 and could check himself out of Midwest Academy but if he does, he's never welcome in his house again. He better stay, or else no one will ever see him again. I want to try to write him another letter but it makes me feel like shit to put so much thought and effort into a letter that will just dig up old memories and never get to him anyways. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|08:41 pm] |
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Hi. I'm at Paul's house. John is in trouble. sucks. thats it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2007|07:48 pm] |
I had court tonight and I cant believe how easy they let me off. only 40 hours of community service that I have to do within 90 days and then they just blow the ticket off. NOICE.
Today was basically a 6th floor version of Laguna Beach. The whole John and Ashley soap opera days of our lives was pretty much perfect for a soap. Sorry, I'm not trying to make fun of you guys because I knoooow that you, ashley, think its funny.
Joe getting kicked out AGAIN sucks. Pius is weak. But I love it.
I have a lot going on in my head right now but im not so ready to put it out there so wait till next time. dun dun dunnnn. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 27th, 2007|07:56 am] |
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I hate this stupid best western hotel. I cant live here anymore! I lost my cell phone yesterday. Fuck. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|02:48 pm] |
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Love sneaks up on you and pounces on your back and makes you jump and scream and smile all at the same time. Then the butterfly eggs start to hatch and pretty soon they're full-blown monarchs fluttering around trying to get out. Then it tugs the corners of your mouth up and softly prys your lips open, revealing your teeth. Your chest is replaced with glass, trying to hold in your heart. Sometimes though, your heart swells up so it's too big to fit inside its glass cage. Dripping out onto the floor, you let it stay there and the wood panels soak it up. The glass isnt made of the kind that car windows are made of, its the crystal that figurines are made of. It's those test tubes in chemistry that always seem to break. Sometimes, it's like wine glass, or ornaments, or a picture frame. Don't knock it over or it will all spill out. The wooden floor can't soak all of it up, just the little that leaks out. Sometimes you can save love in a jar like you save a dead frog. You can package it up and store it away in a jelly jar. You can still look at it, see it, maybe even touch it once. I think that they're working on a way to bring people back to life after they've been "dead" or frozen away. Maybe that will happen in this lifetime, but for now, I'm just trying to lose myself for one moment, long enough for love to pounce on my back one more time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 24th, 2006|11:02 am] |
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I just realized that when I get upset and write on here my english goes to shit. Anyways, last night I went to Chris' house and just chilled out with him and watched a movie because he was still recovering from a hangover. I made his little brother hate me by taking out "I love you Brit" from his profile. That shits a big deal in 8th grade! Taking that out probably means that hes going to break up with her or something. He started crying and freaking out and yelled "FUCK YOU" at me really loudly. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 9th, 2006|11:15 pm] |
I've been making some very un-intelligent decisions lately. I'm glad I'm just someone who doesnt have regrets, because I'd feel guilty if I did, but I learn from every idiotic mistake I make.
Tonight I went to Tosa Fest with Hillary because she didnt have anything else to do. She didnt want to go because she doesnt know any of the Pius kids, but I think shes glad she went, even if she wont admit it. Haha, and thank you ashley for being a matchmaker... but I have yet to recieve a text/call. it fucking better happen or your ass is gone. (juuuuuuuustkidding). No for real, thanks.
Uhhhhm, this stupid drama with this soph nicolet kid is getting on my nerves. I hate when people care so much. i guess I like assholes. But whatever, like I said before, I made some stupid choices. |
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| Matt. |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|05:37 pm] |
Matt has been gone the ENTIRE summer... and the really weird thing is, is that no one... not even mark, his best friend, or I know where the hell he is. The rumors were that his parents took him on a "trip" to chicago but left him at boarding school. Knowing matt, he would have run his ass back here the day after his parents dropped him off. Man, I miss that kid more than anything.
I had hillary call his house last night because I'm just a pussy.
Hill: Hi, is Matt there?
Mr. Van Ess: No, hes not.
Hill: Okay, because I was just wondering where he is and when he's coming home. Do you know?
Mr. Van Ess: No, I dont. Whos calling?
Hill: Hill... so you have no idea where he is and when hes coming home?
Mr Van Ess: Yeah, we have an idea. CLICK.
HE FUCKING HUNG UP ON HER. dickhead.
:( |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|10:59 am] |
I was in MI for 3 weeks working as an assistant cook. I made alot of $$$$$$$ and worked my ass off with 12 hour days, which I'm pretty sure isnt legal, but whatever, I made money. Things got better with Tim this year, this boy who is not my type but I've been trying to get with him since I was 1 so I can't give up. This past weekend was a horse show, it fucking sucked. I fell off twice and got yelled at by my trainer for "losing my composure" and some other shit. That sucked alot. Whatever.
Mmm... Matt still isnt back from school, I dont think. His cell is still off and I'm too scared to call his house. Maybe its for the best, but I dont know. I miss that kid so fucking much. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2006|12:56 am] |
| [ | music |
| | The sound people throwing up! FO SHO! | ] |
I'm sober and babysitting 3 drunks. Onewith his face in the sink, One sprawled out on the tile floor and one with her face in the toilet. Really fucking fun. Not to be conceited, but I'm a fucking great friend. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2006|05:39 pm] |
:( I'm selling my little pony, Emmy. It's sad but he needs someone to show him.
 Yeah its way too small to see... but its really sad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|06:34 pm] |
I´m In costa rica with izzy... its pretty amazing. the boys are tan. they´ve got dark, wavy hair and wave. ohhh my hearttt. Main goal: fuck some natives. HARD. a few times too. (we almost did but the fucking door on the bridge was locked so we couldnt jump down and rape them.)
Our tour guide is named Maus or something. He´s tight as hell.
LOOOKK spanish letters: ñ Ñ Ç ¿ €
yeeee.
theres these disgusting cow things called... fuck i dont remember. They´ve got long weenises on their necks, huge lumps on they´re backs and ears like a rabbit. probably the ugliest animals ive ever seen. Izzy and i snuck into the field and pet the ugly shits and then this horse... but it was crosseyed.
Goodbye from costa rica.!!!!
kate. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|04:54 pm] |
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you know when you're so happy you kind of want to internally combust? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|11:23 pm] |
Klingbeil, Kate
News
February 27, 2006
"I remember the police picked me up real late one time. I was walking down the street and they wanted me to go and view this body. I thought they were going to take me down to the morgue, you know like they do on TV. No, the took me around the corner in this house and this girl was shot in the head in there. I was trying to look and see if I knew her. I remember seeing her early that day." She said. "[The police] didn’t take me home, they just let me out the back door. That wasn’t enough to make me stop." To a former drug addict who once lived a questionable lifestyle, life seems more precious than most can imagine. Kay, 47 and a Milwaukee native, formerly addicted to hard drugs, has given up the dangerous lifestyle of essentially selling her life to live off the drugs that could have easily killed her.
"I went to college, business school, for two and a half years. I don’t like it, typing and all of that stuff. I think you need to know what you want to get into before you get into other stuff," Kay said. "I think the biggest problem, what made me change, was my self-esteem and boys. I mean really, boys was the thing. Girls are controlled by their emotions and the only way that a female, or myself, can keep a handle on things is by keeping a handle on our emotions," Kay explained.
According to Kay, her lifestyle started to take a wrong turn when she dropped out of high school and moved out of her mothers house at the age of 16. At 17, Kay was on the road dancing. "I remember they let me dance in the club. I was too young to drink but they let me strip." She laughs. "I thought that was what I wanted to do and no one could tell me and different."
"There are some things that you don’t experiment with no matter what. You can wonder about them, read about them or whatever but you can’t take chances like that." According to Kay, the reason she became involved in dancing and drugs was because she was not her own person. Kay said, "I was what anybody else wanted me to be."
-more-
Klingbeil
Add One
The dancing came first and then led to drugs. "I was just a follower and the people I was around wanted to try new things. I really didn’t get involved with hard drugs until I was in my late 30’s. Still, I didn’t have a mind of my own," Kay said. "When you think of something that you might want to do, you think of all the repercussions before you even do it. We always just by our human nature want to do things that we aren’t supposed to do."
Kay said that because of the use of hard drugs, she couldn’t go to work to dance. "The dancing was second to the drugs. It was just totally, totally drugs," she says. "I remember I got put out of my apartment and I didn’t have a house for six years. I was just living in places where they do drugs."
"From those drugs it just went on and on. You deal with a lot of people that you normally wouldn’t even look twice at. I mean, they’re not your friends, they’re drug addicts just like you," she explains of her old lifestyle. Even though many of her friends had died from the same drugs that Kay had been using, she couldn’t stop.
"I had boyfriends when I was doing drugs that I would be totally ashamed to tell somebody about. There’s just people that you wouldn’t dare be around," she says.
"It’s all in your own self. It all comes down to being your own person and knowing the right way to go and knowing how to listen to people that have been there," She says of staying drug-free. Kay has now been drug-free for 10 years.
-30- |
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| Lately. |
[Feb. 21st, 2006|05:13 pm] |
This weekend/late week/now has been really interesting. It's been really fun actually and I havent had a weekend like it in a while. It was great seeing Justin, Bobby and Kelsey again. Fuck, i forgot how much fun they are. I met Jaron on Thursday. I didnt know he went to Homestead which is real weird- oh well. Haha... I was at his house Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and hung with him yesterday for dodgeball, which by the way was amazing. He's a cool dude. Fuck, I'm real sad that Team Fun is over even though I wasnt on it. Hanging with Vik and Justin R. was cool too as well as Kristina. T-Bell.
Hahaha THERE ARE NO MORE "VOTE NO" SIGNS IN MEQUON!
I cant think straight. I got a shitload of new meds and I think they are making me craaaazy. |
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